I have thought about the upcoming summer a great deal over the last

weekend.  I saw a lot of things that were wrong, but a lot more that

looked right.  I tried to make an optimistic list of things I could do

to be helpful this summer without annoying me too much.

1. Give directions:  First, because I might visit Cork sometime and

need help.  Second, it will annoy the Escalade behind me on its way to

the Pearl.

2. Wave at absolutely everyone I know:  It worked for Doug Bennett and

Bruce Watts, it could work for me.

3. Overtip:  The waitress, if she has a good time on island, will come

back for her honeymoon.  Maybe she will rent every summer for the rest

of her life.  Perhaps they will eat at Henry's Junior.  More seriously,

tips are almost one hundred percent guaranteed to stay on island,

whether at the Chicken Box or at Henry's.  Money that gets spent two or

three times on Nantucket is good money.

4. Avoid buying anything from a business based off-island.  Murray's

Yes.  Lily: No.  Besides Lily makes me look fat.

5. Walk to town.  I do it anyway.  For those of you who don't know, I

am the fat guy (in Lily) pushing two kids while eating a cookie and

drinking a beer.

6. Not drive on the beach.  I don't surfcast.  I don't surf.  I am

still relatively healthy.  My car stereo is not good.  There is no

conceivable reason why I should drive on the beach.  The kids can walk.

  Tire them out for bed-time.

7. Avoid the Pops.  Been there.  Done that,  Bought the T-shirt.

8. Let the famous folks hide.  Except Cathy Lee.  She ruined an evening

at an expensive restaurant with a drunken solo from her table.  I will

wave at her across Main Street.  However, Frank gets a free pass.

9. If it can go to take-it-or-leave-it, it goes there.  Someone else

can use it.  I was lucky enough to afford to buy it new, someone else

could profit from my luck.  Someday, I will need good karma.

10.  Be a tourist.  Too many good things happen out here that I

overlook because I am too cool for it.  The Endeavor is a cool ride. 

The NHA does a great job.  Jetties really is a cool beach.

11.  Get off island.  There are lots of beautiful places out there. 

Most of them are in Vermont.  Some even have Wal-Marts nearby with

cheap babyfood.

12.  Drive Like Mike:  Mike Kalman is the most patient driver I have

ever seen.  He waves everyone through the intersection, waits at the

crosswalks, and even follows the speed limit.  He drives like a man

paid by the hour.